THIS IS MY MENTALITY.

Yeah, that's pretty weird.

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libutron:

Checkered Garter Snake - Thamnophis marcianus | ©Jason Penney   (Texas, US)
Thamnophis marcianus (Colubridae) is a species of gartersnake unmistakable by its dark checkerboard pattern running entire length of body. 
Thamnophis marcianus is found in southwestern US, northern and east-central Mexico, and Central America.
It is a non-venomous snake, Thamnophis marcianus will often bite would-be captors, leaving only superficial bite marks. Another important defensive mechanism of the checkered garter snake is the habit of defecating foul-smelling liquids upon aggressors [source].

libutron:

Checkered Garter Snake - Thamnophis marcianus | ©Jason Penney   (Texas, US)

Thamnophis marcianus (Colubridae) is a species of gartersnake unmistakable by its dark checkerboard pattern running entire length of body. 

Thamnophis marcianus is found in southwestern US, northern and east-central Mexico, and Central America.

It is a non-venomous snake, Thamnophis marcianus will often bite would-be captors, leaving only superficial bite marks. Another important defensive mechanism of the checkered garter snake is the habit of defecating foul-smelling liquids upon aggressors [source].